We all have problems! It’s normal. You’re not special and not the first person to ever have a problem.
We love to hang onto our problems, past injustices, and how individuals have treated us in our life. We package them up and carry them where ever we go, and without even knowing it allow it to define who we are, how we act, and the type of life we are going to live.
Why do we do this to ourselves? What is this doing for us? How is this adding any value to our life or moving us towards our aspirations?
Now, this is where a lot of us get stuck. We spend days, months, and for some of us years searching for the “why.” Why can’t I connect with my kids? Why am I so angry? Why am I so tired all the time?
For years, I was stuck in the “why.” Why am I not going anywhere in my career? Why am I so lonely? Why don’t I have any friends? Why can’t I connect with my kids? Why is my marriage empty?
I think you get the point.
Since I was stuck in the “why” I never moved forward, created any relationships, or took any meaningful steps towards what I wanted. All my time and energy was used searching for the “why,” leaving me drained.
We only have so much time, energy, and ability to stay focus on any given day. The amazing thing is that you have a CHOICE on how you’re going to use your time and energy.
If you decide to spend all your time and energy, focusing on the “why.” Guess what! All you’re going to get in return is the same old thing you have been getting in return: frustration, low energy, not enough time, helplessness, etc.
So, here is a 2×4 upside your head.
Let it go!
Everdad Hack #1 - Let It Go!
Now, I’m not saying that doing a little research won’t be necessary. It is when we spend all our time and energy searching that keeps us from taking meaningful action.
So, if you have come to a dead-end on your “why” accept it for what it is and LET IT GO!
And start using your time and energy towards taking action. Having a hard time connecting with your kid? Schedule a date with your kid and take them out to do something you both will enjoy. Feel like you have an empty marriage? Wake up each morning and tell your spouse, “Good morning! I love you.” Struggling with a relationship? Go and talk with the person.
The point here is that you LET IT GO and TAKE ACTION!
Now to be able to this, you will need to create new habits. To do this the following is a great exercise to assist you in creating a new habit. The key though is not just writing it down but also taking action.
When this happens…
Write down what is happening. What is the problem? What are you feeling?
Ex.When I am feeling disconnected from my kid because he/she is not speaking to me.
Write down what you currently do in this situation (old habit).
Ex. I think my kid doesn’t like me and so I respond with silence.
Write down what you will do instead (new habit).
Ex. I will ask my kid, “What was their favorite part of their day?”
1. Effectively and efficiently use your time and energy
2. Move towards your life aspirations
3. Create positive habits and behaviors
4. Build powerful and trusting relationships
5. Improve your ability to communicate
What would your life look like if you “let it go” and “took action?”
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Donnie Boroff, M.A., CPC, ELI-MP, C-IQ is a father of four boys and husband with a passion for dads. A Dad Coach and founder of Everdad. With a Master’s Degree in Industrial Organizational Psychology along with being a Certified Professional Coach, Energy Leadership Index Master Practitioner, and Certified in Conversational Intelligence, he assists dads in exploring and discovering how they are showing up in their children’s lives.